Polaroid Cameras and Blackmail Go Hand in Hand
by QuikSylver
Summary: Hmm, another random drabble competition thing between Icey Alchemist, and me. Havoc's POV. Hughes takes a picture of a certain colonel kissing... Well, read to find out who! R&R please! T for like one word.


A/N: Whoo, another random story! How exciting! This one's exactly 1000 words long! (Well, discounting this part, and the part at the end.) Me and **Fma Homunculi Wrath and Envy'**ve been having another competition. We had to use these four things in a story of 1000 words or less:

1) burnt up pencil (object)

2) "Just go away, and what do you mean you don't have all the"...(phrase)

3) savage beastling (object/thing)

4) "Tina, come get some ham!" (phrase!)

* * *

_Snap!_

"Argh! Hughes!!" yelled the latest victim of the photo-happy Lt.-Col.'s polaroid camera, Roy Mustang. "I swear to Go- Er, well, not God, per se, but someone! - that I _will_ burn that stupid thing if you take another picture of me!!" The usually cool-headed Flame Alchemist (who always seemed to become mysteriously irritable around his friend) was livid.

"Aw, c'mon Colonel, lighten up," Havoc drawled from his position a few feet to the side. He was leaning back in his chair, feet crossed and on his desk, a pencil in his mouth, as he knew better than to smoke in his commanding officer's presence. Sometimes.

The three men were all in Roy's office, Riza, Falman, Fuery and Breda having left for home about fifteen minutes ago.

"Yeah, Roy, Elicia wants more pictures of her Daddy's best friend," Hughes said brightly, raising the camera to snap another picture.

"Maes..." Roy said warningly, and the other wisely lowered the camera. "So, Havoc, why are you here so late?"

Havoc chuckled. "I haven't been able to discover all of the documents concerning Lior yet, sir, but I thought you were supposed to be catching up on that paper work?" he asked innocently, a crooked grin on his face. It quickly disappeared as he snatched the burnt up pencil out of his mouth. "Just go away, and what do you mean you don't have all the--"

The door banged open, momentarily revealing the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric, and his brother Alphonse, before it bounced off the wall and into the diminutive alchemist's face.

"Brother... Are you all right...?" Al's concerned voice floated through the door.

"I'm fine! I'm fine!" Ed yelled.

Havoc chuckled again, burning pencil forgotten. "Later, boss," he said, giving a half-hearted salute as he opened the door, wisely stepping aside as Fullmetal tried to violently kick the door in, sending Ed sprawling into the room. Al followed, conveying a feeling of worry as he came into the room as well.

Havoc smacked the suit of armour companionably on the arm and walked out, leaving Mustang and Hughes to deal with the embarrassed and volatile 15 year old who (in private) the 2nd Lt. had always referred to as a savage beastling.

As Jean walked down the hall, he could hear Ed screaming angrily at Roy, but he ignored it; the Colonel can take care of himself.

An old lady shuffled up to him, carrying a plate of mouldy meat. "Tina! Come get some ham!" she croaked, coughs racking her frail body. The mouldy meat spilled everywhere.

Havoc blinked and walked around her, noticing that Fullmetal's screaming had stopped sooner than usual. "Odd," he muttered to himself, pulling out a cigarette and his lighter as he left the building. He stuck the cigarette in his mouth and lit it, eagerly inhaling the mixture of tobacco and nicotine.

It was a quiet evening. The moon was a slender curve, pale and ghostly against the dark blue sky, casting just enough light that you could see several feet around you.

Humming softly, Havoc started down the stairs when a certain beastling came stampeding out of the HQ behind him, crashing into the man's back and knocking them both down the stairs, Ed landing on top.

They tried to sit up, but were interrupted by the younger Elric.

"Brother? Where are you--" Al tripped over the pile that was Ed and Havoc, landing neatly atop them and knocking them onto their backs.

"Ah! What're you doing?! Get off me, Al!!" Ed cried, flailing wildly, managing to knee Havoc in the stomach, punch him in the jaw and poke him in the eye, all in rapid succession.

"Ow..." he groaned, flopping back.

"Oops, sorry Havoc," Ed said, but he didn't sound very sorry. In fact, he was grinning insanely; even in the dim light, Havoc could see the flash of his very white teeth.

"No problem," the 2nd Lt. grunted, as, in a feat of amazing buffness, he managed to shove not just Ed (which wouldn't have been very impressive alone) but Al off as well. He climbed to his feet and took another drag from his cigarette. "I thought you were yelling at the Colonel?" he asked, holding a hand out to help the Alchemist up.

"Oh, that." Ed blushed furiously, an extremely un-Ed-like action. What was going on...? "You tell him, Al," he ordered his brother, who was scrambling to his feet.

"What? No, you do it, brother," Al said, and he too seemed to be radiating embarrassment.

"Never mind. Just go ask the bastard yourself!" Ed fled, followed a moment later by his brother.

Havoc watched them disappear. "Well that was... weird..." he mumbled, shaking his head.

"Havoc!" Hughes practically bounded down the stairs.

"Oh no," he muttered under his breath. "Sir?" he asked when the Lt.-Col. joined him.

"Guess what!!" he said excitedly.

"...I don't know, sir, what is it?" Havoc asked in a bored voice; he'd learned long ago that enthusiasm only prolonged the torture that was Maes Hughes.

"I got some new pictures! Wanna see?" He pulled a handful out of his pocket and shoved them at Havoc.

"Thanks, Lt.-Col.," Havoc mumbled, quickly shuffling through them.

"Better hurry, I think Roy's coming," Hughes advised.

"What are you talking abou--" The last picture stopped Havoc mid-sentence. In his hands he held a photograph of Roy – not surprising, considering all the time he spent around Hughes and his camera – and Riza Hawkeye.

Kissing.

Each other.

"HUGHES!! I'M GOING TO KILL Y--" Mustang's scream rang through the night, accompanied by the sounds of someone falling and a querulous croak of, "WATCH TINA'S HAM!!"

"Well, better run! Keep the pictures!" Hughes pranced off, laughing loudly.

Mustang ran past, chasing him, smelling mouldy, and screaming bloody murder.

Havoc bit his lip to keep from laughing as he took another drag from his cigarette. Sometimes he loved his job. He shoved the photos into his pocket.

* * *

Well, I hope ya liked it! ;) Another foray into the realm of humour on my part:O Hope it's funny! Also, if you read this, could you please leave a little comment or something? Or a rating 1-10, 1 being terrible, 10 being excellent. Yes. The End.

-QS, AKA Pride-


End file.
